Keys To A Successful Relationship

Relationships are a very touchy subject, and when it comes to figuring out how to have a good it becomes even more touchy. I believe, for any relationship to work you need a certain core of fundamentals. These core fundamentals for some may include but are not limited to: mutual respect, the ability to laugh together and the ability to do business, security with ones self, mutual understanding of the direction and/or intention of the relationship, the ability and willingness to compromise, effective communication(there's a reason why this is in bold), good sex, unselfishness, and open-mindedness. The list goes on and on, but I'll stop here.

Effective communication was in bold because the majority of this message is about effective communication. Everything else can be perfect, but if there is no effective communication the union will inevitably fail. Almost everyone will say that good communication is key when it comes to having a good relationship, but good communication is not effective communication. The difference between good communication and effective communication is the following: good communication is the ability to speak to each other, however effective communication is not just words flying past each other from one person to the other but it's actually hearing the words and/or seeing the actions and understanding the intended meaning. Many people commonly mistake good communication for effective communication.

Effective communication is something that has to be worked on, it just doesn't show up in a relationship. For communication to be effective each person involved has to be able to compromise and each person has to be mature and patient enough to accept that their partner will not be perfect. With that said each person must allow their partner to communicate without he fear of being judge, ridiculed and/or taken for granted. On the same notion, one cannot be afraid to voice their opinions and speak to their partner about the things they are feeling. I will now attempt to break down each individual sex and the common problems that inhibit effective communication.

Men:
For the fellas its very simple, we need to start opening up to our partners and give them a chance to speak. That is not enough though, when they speak we must make an conscious effort to actually listen and understand where they are coming from. A lot of men believe if they express their emotions and open up to their partner then that makes them less of a man. This is constantly reinforced by the media, other men, and to a certain extent other women. Commonly [immature]men do this to prove something to their friends and/or family. Fellas, we have to remember that our friends and families are not the ones we are in a relationship with. If you see something is wrong with her, approach her and ask her whats wrong. At this point she will probably say "nothing" or "no, it's OK", but you should know her well enough to know when something is truly bothering her. Believe it or not people say more non-verbally than they do verbally. You can't allow these small problems to go unsolved, because small problems festers into big problems. The best remedy is prevention.

Women:
For the ladies it's not as simply. Women are very unique creatures and therefor are not easily understood by men. Many men do not effectively communicate with their partners because they don't understand their partner. This is where the woman comes in: it is her job to at least try to help him understand where she's coming, why she feels the way she feels, and how he can help make the situation better (if he can). Getting mad at him and not letting him know why only makes him upset, now we have two upset individuals and two individuals cannot effectively communicate when they're upset. Woman should also be be strong enough to voice their opinion and not be timid. Your thoughts and concerns also count. A relationship is a union of two individuals, therefor it takes two to come to a solution within the union.

Both Sexes
There are also common mistakes that are done by both sexes that inhibit effective communication. When there is a problem between two people in a relationship, each person has to realize what the problem is and who it is with. Each person must always remember that the two most important opinions about the issue is from the two people who is in the relationship. In other words: the issue is with your partner so you must address it with your partner. Not your friends(women) and not your boys(men) and not your mothers, fathers, cousins, sisters, brothers, etc etc...what they have to say is totally irreverent because your the one that going to live with the outcome not them. It is always comfortable to go to a third party and "vent" to them because this third party is going to agree with you and tell you what you want to hear, and probably not what you need to hear. However, now isn't the time to be talking to other people. Now isn't the time to go out with your friends and act like there is no problem, because when you get back home the problems will still be there. Now is time to be talking to your partner. Arguments are a functional aspect of any relationship, but the way these conflicts are resolved is what is important. Ineffective communication can keep someone who's loves you from being IN love with you.