The Vulnerability of Love

Love might be the most important thing to the survival of the human race. It allows humans to work together, plays a vital role in reproduction, and allows us to connect with and understand the world around us. Love, in its purest state, is an interesting and complex entity. It's something that many have tried to understand only to find out it is sometimes incomprehensible. Many spend their whole life trying to find love, only to never find it. To be clear, I’m not talking about the motherly love or that strong bond that exist between people who share common interest or activity (friendship). I’m talking about that true romantic unconditional love. Some welcome this feeling of natural bliss that stems from romantic unconditional love, while others prefer not to experience it. As sad as it may sound, they are some people who will run away or change course when they start to feel this type of love. I believe my generation calls it “Catching feelings.”

Have you ever seen someone in love? Whether it’s an elderly couple that’s been together for 20+ years, newlyweds, or just two people in a committed relationship; the love is the same. When you observe someone who’s in love, you’ll see certain things. There is a certain admiration and appreciation when it comes to their significant other. There’s a noticeable pep in their step. If observe two people who genuine care for each other you may start to wonder, “Who wouldn’t want that?” Eventually, I found out why people run away from this particular feeling. While love can bring forth feelings of happiness/joy/bliss, there’s another side of love that isn’t so beautiful. There’s another side of love that is difficult to come to terms with. I call this side the Vulnerability of Love. When you experience the vulnerability of love, it’s enough to make you not want to love ever again. The vulnerability of love has the ability to hurt you with the worst hurt you’ll know. Physical injuries cause pain that can be treated with remedies to aid in the healing process; the hurt and pain that comes from the vulnerability of love cannot be treated with such remedies. I’ve played football and did a little thai boxing so I’ve been hurt several times in life, but nothing compares to the hurt you experience when the vulnerability of love introduces itself to you. It was/is a formidable blow, a blow that will always be remembered.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. One cannot simply say they’re in love without have that sense of vulnerability, even if it is unbeknownst at the time. If you look back at a time when you thought you were in love, but can’t remember being vulnerable, chances you weren’t really in love. There’s no way around it, to love means to be vulnerable in some fashion. When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt; you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling; like having your heart carved out. Love is something that requires your all. It is constant action and attention to detail. It difficult to accept the fact that something is over, you don’t simply stop loving on command. It's a very difficult thing to walk away from something after you've put your all into it, especially if you feel like you're coming away with nothing. You may come away with memories and many lessons learned, but at that moment it all feels like nothing.

While it’s painful to go through the effects of the vulnerability of love, it has its place one’s life’s cycle of ebbs & flows. I sometimes have to remind myself, being vulnerable has its purpose; A purpose that can be missed when dealing with one of its side effects. Any love makes us vulnerable. You will be given the gift of pain somewhere along the road. However, you can’t live your life sealed in spiritual cellophane just to keep from ever being hurt. While that cellophane may be able to keep you ‘safe’, it will also hinder the ability to learn life’s many lessons. Not many people like to the take a backseat in situations, but taking a backseat provides you with a different angle, a different perspective and point of view. I believe it’s important to embrace the vulnerability of love and the vulnerability of life. While it may bring you down for a moment, you’ll learn something about yourself.

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.” - Stephen Russel